i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
