My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
