Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's a naked man in my car right now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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