he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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