I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
