Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
