So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
