The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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