he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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