By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
