So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
