i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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