Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry my hands just texted you
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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