When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
