my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
