Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
