So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
