So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
