just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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