so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
