remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
