Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
