i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
