'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
