I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
