she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
