Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
