i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
