Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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