wakey wakey hands off snakey
My hand turned me down
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
