He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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