wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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