and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
