there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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