and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
