every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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