Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
the raccoons are back...
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