a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
