Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
