but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
