I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I cut my penus on the lid.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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