I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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