I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
