you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
