problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
