she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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