Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
