I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
