So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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