You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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