as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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