dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my shit smells like andre
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
