i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
